Do you look over your shoulder as you walk down the street? Do you think that conversations stop when you walk in a room because the people are talking about you? Do you open your mailbox quickly to block the impact of what may fly out or block the stench from the dead mouse lying in there? Do you think you are being sized up and judged, by the way you look, what you are wearing or even eating?
Do you sleep with one eye open?
Are you paranoid?
Will Paranoia will destroya!
Paranoia, the destroyer...
Well maybe we should be paranoid....big brother is out there. The government is watching and the sky is falling and there is a conspiracy against you!! This is the blog outing the whole thing..... you will have some damage control to deal with, but the gig is up....you are free...the monkey is off your back. Relax.
In reality, a normal person's paranoid delusions are just that. We manifest an insecurity or issue and we think everyone else can read us like a book. In reality, people usually are too damn busy to pay enough attention to each other to really discover one's idiosyncrasies. It is sad but true that many of the human species is unaware of their surroundings. I am reading this book that rightly is titled, Awareness, and it talks about how man is asleep (now if you think of that closely, it does say man, and mine is usually sleeping, especially when the kids are up in the middle of the night or in the morning when we all are frantically getting ready for the day) Maybe this dude is on to something. He says that we as humans are not enlightened enough to be aware and that we are asleep. I haven't read far enough to agree or not, but I do see so many people living in kind of a haze. They are clueless about their surroundings-locally and globally. How that is, I don't know.
But back to paranoia-I highly doubt we have real enemies unless we deserve them, and yes you can deserve enemies. For instance, you could steal someones husband or boyfriend, or burn down their house smoking crack while babysitting their kids-you would definitely make enemies.
And getting Kinky...it is a destroyer! So let it go....OM!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for real life....We are all too self absorbed. And remember....it is all about me.....:) This is another random blog that makes little to no sense what so ever. Maybe someone is laughing at me....oh no.......
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Get yer head in the game. . .
Today was my last softball game of the year. I've been playing, pretty much every Sunday since May. Today we had two games - playoffs - we won the first game and lost the championship game by two runs. This is my 4th year with this team. During the season, I typically have to get up around 8 am on Sunday, drive to the city - used to be Grant Park, but now it's Welles Park - to play.
I have a love hate for this game. I am not a consistent player - some days are awesome and some are embarassing. Like the day (last summer) I went in for a super high pop-up and the ball, at the last minute, got mixed up with the sun and, well, hit me in the eye. It shattered my sunglasses and cut my face right along the eyebrow bone. I got 16 stitches. It was the third play of the game. I was pissed.
Today, I hit a triple, I had two great plays at first a great catch on the run in right center and, overall, a great couple of games. Some days I go to these games and I'm angry that I even signed up for the league, because I'm worried that I'm going to suck.
I'm 39 years old. I have four kids. I work full time. I have a lot of stuff to do at home - should I be spending my Sundays in my A-line ("wife beater" for those young hipsters) shirt, cleats and glove - soaking up the sun, barking jocular comments? I'm sore. I ache. I am tired -- a lot. I'm in pretty good shape, overall, but I am still feeling the "years" in my body and that is a little embarassing. (btw - I play with a bunch of 20 somethings) I stand out in the field, or at the plate, and talk myself down. "Why am I even out here?" "Are they just letting me play because they feel sorry for me and don't know how to tell me that, because I'm an inconsistent player, I suck?" and so on. One day, I was pitching and the batters wouldn't swing and I walked off the field. I was tearing up and, as everyone knows, there's no crying in baseball - or softball. Needless to say, I'm hard on myself.
This is stupid. I know it is (or at least I think it is) -- first of all - it's a coed league and there are guys on my team and if they didn't want me around, they would - most likely - tell me so - and would have no problem with it. The reality of the situation is, we play in a recreational, co-ed, softball league. The rules of the game change based on which umpire is behind the plate. Oh yeah, and it's hard to get girls to commit to a season. . .I wonder if that has anything to do with them keeping me on the team?
I started playing when my brother and two cousins were on the team. My brother is in Kuwait now and my one cousin works on Sundays and the other blew out his shoulder. They made the mistake, once, of calling me the Team Mom. Ooops. They haven't said that again. Here's the thing -- they didn't mean anything by it and I shouldn't have a problem with it, but it's the one place in my life where I feel UNobligated. I feel obligated to go to the games and sometimes I don't want to go because I'm being lazy or I have a lot to do, but I go anyway and I have A LOT OF FUN. I feel -- dare I say - SINGLE and childless. I love my husband and my kids, but, I also really enjoy my Sundays of. . .well, hypothetical freedom.
After the game, we went to the sponsor bar and it was cozy and warm and it just felt good. I was with this group of people who I've really come to care about. These are the kind of friends that I don't see very often, but would be by my side in a heartbeat if I needed them. We're a motley crew with big hearts.
As an aside, the first time we went there after the game, I was the only person that got carded - and I'm the oldest - by far!!!
I had my one beer and a few wings, everyone made fun of each other and laughed a lot. All of these people hang out together during the week and go out on the weekends. I see them on Sundays. Yet, I still feel like part of the crew. I will probably see them once or twice before softball starts in March - but, it'll pick up right where we left off - as it always does.
I may be living out of my age-group, and maybe I'm more afraid of aging than I thought - but I really enjoy my little piece of young single chick - even if it only lasts for 6 hours on 15 Sundays a year.
I have a love hate for this game. I am not a consistent player - some days are awesome and some are embarassing. Like the day (last summer) I went in for a super high pop-up and the ball, at the last minute, got mixed up with the sun and, well, hit me in the eye. It shattered my sunglasses and cut my face right along the eyebrow bone. I got 16 stitches. It was the third play of the game. I was pissed.
Today, I hit a triple, I had two great plays at first a great catch on the run in right center and, overall, a great couple of games. Some days I go to these games and I'm angry that I even signed up for the league, because I'm worried that I'm going to suck.
I'm 39 years old. I have four kids. I work full time. I have a lot of stuff to do at home - should I be spending my Sundays in my A-line ("wife beater" for those young hipsters) shirt, cleats and glove - soaking up the sun, barking jocular comments? I'm sore. I ache. I am tired -- a lot. I'm in pretty good shape, overall, but I am still feeling the "years" in my body and that is a little embarassing. (btw - I play with a bunch of 20 somethings) I stand out in the field, or at the plate, and talk myself down. "Why am I even out here?" "Are they just letting me play because they feel sorry for me and don't know how to tell me that, because I'm an inconsistent player, I suck?" and so on. One day, I was pitching and the batters wouldn't swing and I walked off the field. I was tearing up and, as everyone knows, there's no crying in baseball - or softball. Needless to say, I'm hard on myself.
This is stupid. I know it is (or at least I think it is) -- first of all - it's a coed league and there are guys on my team and if they didn't want me around, they would - most likely - tell me so - and would have no problem with it. The reality of the situation is, we play in a recreational, co-ed, softball league. The rules of the game change based on which umpire is behind the plate. Oh yeah, and it's hard to get girls to commit to a season. . .I wonder if that has anything to do with them keeping me on the team?
I started playing when my brother and two cousins were on the team. My brother is in Kuwait now and my one cousin works on Sundays and the other blew out his shoulder. They made the mistake, once, of calling me the Team Mom. Ooops. They haven't said that again. Here's the thing -- they didn't mean anything by it and I shouldn't have a problem with it, but it's the one place in my life where I feel UNobligated. I feel obligated to go to the games and sometimes I don't want to go because I'm being lazy or I have a lot to do, but I go anyway and I have A LOT OF FUN. I feel -- dare I say - SINGLE and childless. I love my husband and my kids, but, I also really enjoy my Sundays of. . .well, hypothetical freedom.
After the game, we went to the sponsor bar and it was cozy and warm and it just felt good. I was with this group of people who I've really come to care about. These are the kind of friends that I don't see very often, but would be by my side in a heartbeat if I needed them. We're a motley crew with big hearts.
As an aside, the first time we went there after the game, I was the only person that got carded - and I'm the oldest - by far!!!
I had my one beer and a few wings, everyone made fun of each other and laughed a lot. All of these people hang out together during the week and go out on the weekends. I see them on Sundays. Yet, I still feel like part of the crew. I will probably see them once or twice before softball starts in March - but, it'll pick up right where we left off - as it always does.
I may be living out of my age-group, and maybe I'm more afraid of aging than I thought - but I really enjoy my little piece of young single chick - even if it only lasts for 6 hours on 15 Sundays a year.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
The End of the World as We Know It.
Have you ever had those dreams that you had to evacuate your house in a day and it was like the end of the world or something and you could only pack what you needed in your car, and you were going to have to live in your car for an undetermined amount of time? Well, maybe you haven't, but I have. Maybe they weren't dreams but unrealistic, bizarro daydreams...something to think about. Now I don't mean evacuate immediately like a horendeus fire or terrible flood, but you have 48 hours to pack your car with what you and your family will need to survive...for let's say one month. Don't forget, you have to live in the vehicle too.
What would you take? What car would you pack, and no you cannot go buy a new one, it has to be existing. How would you set it up to be as comfortabl and liveable as possible. Most likely, it is my dream you know, you would be able to exit your car, it is just used as your only form of shelter, food and supplies.
Hmm... I usually think of this ridiculous conundrum late at night and try to oraganize it in my head and then I just fall asleep. Maybe that is why I used to do it, it helped me fall asleep. Who knows.
I don't know if this is a post even work commenting on, but maybe it will keep you up one night and make you think about what you will pack. I am going to ponder it again and maybe I will comment on what I will pack. Let me know what you think. As for people with big families, GFL, I hope you are all close, because you only get one car per family. Good luck and good packing.
Oh, it is also perfectly acceptable to leave behind pets unless you plan on eating them as part of your food source.
What would you take? What car would you pack, and no you cannot go buy a new one, it has to be existing. How would you set it up to be as comfortabl and liveable as possible. Most likely, it is my dream you know, you would be able to exit your car, it is just used as your only form of shelter, food and supplies.
Hmm... I usually think of this ridiculous conundrum late at night and try to oraganize it in my head and then I just fall asleep. Maybe that is why I used to do it, it helped me fall asleep. Who knows.
I don't know if this is a post even work commenting on, but maybe it will keep you up one night and make you think about what you will pack. I am going to ponder it again and maybe I will comment on what I will pack. Let me know what you think. As for people with big families, GFL, I hope you are all close, because you only get one car per family. Good luck and good packing.
Oh, it is also perfectly acceptable to leave behind pets unless you plan on eating them as part of your food source.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
The Best Things in Life are Free, or Close to It.
I don't know about you, but one of the reasons I couldn't leave the Midwest is because of the weather. I love the change of seasons. I love Fall. I love the way my neighborhood looks with all the leaves raining down all day. The colors are warm and the air is cool. Nice. Sure it gets bizarrely cold in the winter and obnoxiously hot in the summer and the weather is totally unpredictable. But that's the fun of it.
As nice as it would be to have a constant temperature year round, think of how boring your shopping and wardrobe would be. No cozy sweaters or hats. Not for me! Many years ago my hubby and I contemplated a move to Alaska. I was just graduating from college and we could go do what ever we wanted. It wasn't the weather that held us back, it was family. But would I want to have the dark and the cold that much, no thanks. And what about living in Mexico or some other hot climate. Love to visit, but my deodorant usually fails half way through the day and my hair is always limp and clothes are sticky....a great place to vacation but give me jeans and a sweatshirt any day.
Living in the Midwest isn't that pretty, but your kids can learn how to ski and sled without traveling across the country and they can swim in the summer. It is the best of both worlds.
So as the title says, the best things in life are free....the change of seasons, the company of good friends, ability to blow off chores (working on that),raking leaves, chasing your dog, window shopping (working on this one too), playing with your kids and watching a movie.
Sorry no controversy, no strong beliefs, just a comment on fall.... And PS. Halloween Rocks...if you are not a drag queen or a thespian, yes thespian....when else do you get a chance to dress up and live out your fantasies??? Well there is always...........................................:)
As nice as it would be to have a constant temperature year round, think of how boring your shopping and wardrobe would be. No cozy sweaters or hats. Not for me! Many years ago my hubby and I contemplated a move to Alaska. I was just graduating from college and we could go do what ever we wanted. It wasn't the weather that held us back, it was family. But would I want to have the dark and the cold that much, no thanks. And what about living in Mexico or some other hot climate. Love to visit, but my deodorant usually fails half way through the day and my hair is always limp and clothes are sticky....a great place to vacation but give me jeans and a sweatshirt any day.
Living in the Midwest isn't that pretty, but your kids can learn how to ski and sled without traveling across the country and they can swim in the summer. It is the best of both worlds.
So as the title says, the best things in life are free....the change of seasons, the company of good friends, ability to blow off chores (working on that),raking leaves, chasing your dog, window shopping (working on this one too), playing with your kids and watching a movie.
Sorry no controversy, no strong beliefs, just a comment on fall.... And PS. Halloween Rocks...if you are not a drag queen or a thespian, yes thespian....when else do you get a chance to dress up and live out your fantasies??? Well there is always...........................................:)
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