During a recent visit with my uncle we realized that while we've know each other for 30 years we've never really had time alone for more than 5 or 10 minutes at a time. Time together has always been spent with other family members lurking in the wings. It was the unexpected loss of my aunt that allowed us to come together for what a believe was the closest I can come to defining the true meaning of conversation.
Webster defines conversation as follows:
a (1) : oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas (2) : an instance of such exchange : TALK (a quiet conversation) b : an informal discussion of an issue by representatives of governments, institutions, or groups c : an exchange similar to conversation
I believe conversation is much more than this... it is something that takes time. Time to listen, to be heard, to explore, and to build relationships. It is embedded with emotions: laughter, seriousness, fun, fears...
I think the most important element is something in which we could all stand to work on... listening.
In the book, Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future (2002, p. 91), Margaret J. Wheatley shared, "'You can't hate someone whose story you know.' You don't have to like the story, or even the person telling you their story. But listening creates a relationship. We move closer to one another."
Do I like everything I hear? No... Should I? No... Do I hope to build the "art of conversation?" Yes...
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One thing I have learned over the past few years with conversation, is to have them. Life is too short to wait until tomorrow to say something you could today. It is too short to "call tomorrow" or do it later, (in regards to friends and family...doing laundry or dishes later is totally acceptable and often encouraged.) It isn't wrong to tell your friends and family how you feel, it isn't wrong to express your feelings. More often than not you and the people you have chosen to hang with are dealing with or have similiar concerns or feelings. Why reinvent the wheel? Share your knowledge or experiences with others. And yes listen...that is a lost art in itself.
So I guess this means I have to call a bunch of you all....but if you are reading this, "hi, how's it going? Let's get together soon, all is fine here, getting ready to go back to work after vacation"....
What were you saying? jk - of course - I agree that listening is key to really getting to know someone. I also agree that it takes time and thoughtfulness to have a conversation. Frequently, we (I?) go into a conversation - especially with someone I (we)don't know very well - with a lot of baggage. The "I hope I don't say anything stupid" baggage that eventually causes me to say a lot of stupid things instead of just relaxing and being comfortable with myself. Until we are AOK with ourselves, it's difficult to open up the ear and mind to what others are saying. On top of that, we frequently give ourselves very little time to talk to people. We barely give ourselves time to cover the basics, much less delve into the heart of matters. Lastly, I must say that some of the best conversations I've had have been silent ones. You know what I mean - those times when you just sit next to someone and just hang out quietly. No pressure to talk, no obligation to be funny or witty or, well, anything.
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